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We have a self-image and we have an idea of what we stand for. One of life’s frustrations is knowing that this image is not always congruent with how we are perceived by others.

We all know people who agonise over what others think of them, but make no effort to obtain feedback or change their actions. Being concerned over our self-image without seeking input from the people around us potentially restricts our growth. After all, nobody lives in a vacuum. Being seen a certain way, as trustworthy, intelligent, discreet, loyal or dependable, is doubly important in a work setting and being unfairly perceived as less than our true value can have detrimental consequences when dealing with others.

Of course, flat-out asking someone to give us their honest opinion regarding our strengths and weaknesses is potentially embarrassing for everyone involved. To spare them and us the awkwardness, we can begin by looking for clues. People do not always interpret our actions in the spirit they were intended in and their reactions are a good indicator. However, there may be times when we simply must get someone’s direct opinion. As hard as it is to throw inhibitions to the wind and ask our friends and colleagues to give a truthful description of how they see us, seeking feedback is a valuable exercise. If we use criticism constructively and consider that the insights given may not always be unbiased, we can begin to bridge the gap between how people see us and how we really are.

This does not imply that we should outwardly project certain values if we don’t really have them or try to deceive others. However, if we feel under-credited, we can use feedback to find out what we lack. Once we pinpoint the discrepancies, the old adage of “actions speak louder” rings true. If, for example, we are seen as being undependable at work and have this view reconfirmed by some trusted colleagues, we can try to sway everyone with words. Or we can acknowledge the possible kernel of truth and now act in a way that physically (not just verbally) changes this perception around.

→ Related term at Wikipedia: Perception (Psychology)
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