Societies and cultures have a story of how they came to be, where they are going and what it means to live in that society. In a very similar way, some individuals are said to also have a life story or myth that they believe to be true for themselves. This is what the theory of Transactional Analysis (TA) calls a “script” or “life script.” Created early in life to make sense of our world, shaped by parents and experiences, and often completely unconscious by adulthood, scripts can be either negative or positive. We use them unconsciously to explain to ourselves our place in the world and our own individual meaning. A positive life script can help us reach our goals, while a negative one potentially dooms us to sabotage ourselves, to rationalise our world-view. However, any script, good or bad, carries the risk of limiting us living our lives to its fullest potential.

How We See Ourselves

Canadian-US psychologist Eric Berne started to develop the idea of a life script while outlining the principles of transactional analysis. TA, as described by its founder Berne, is a method that attempts to analyse human interactions (or transactions) for determining emotional dynamics. One of TA’s ground principles is that all people are born with a sense of entitlement, which is then potentially eroded by bad parenting and unpleasant experiences. (A follower of Berne’s who went on to write the popular book “I’m OK, You’re OK” maintained the exact opposite though, that people are born “not OK” and spend their life trying to find entitlement.)

Regardless of which point one starts from, TA maintains that human beings are well adjusted and psychologically healthy when they reach the state of accepting themselves and accepting the not-themselves: the people, society and world around them. Anything less could mean accepting society/mankind as having worth, but not one’s self (i.e., depression, low self-esteem); acceptance of self, but not of society as worthwhile (i.e., psychopathic, destructive or criminal behaviour); and finally accepting neither self nor society as worthwhile (complete despair, psychosis, suicide.)

Which of these stages we get stuck on, on the way to accepting both ourselves and the world around us, depends on what we believe the story of our life to be about.

Who Writes Our Script?

Life scripts are said to be determined early, as early as age six or seven
(Prochaska and Norcross 10-11). By that time, children are said to have an underlying idea of whether they believe themselves to be worthwhile or not, and these ideas are then steadily fed by the environment around them. Many of the negative ideas individuals have of themselves (Don’t do anything, don’t stand out, don’t grow up), contrast with the wishful thinking of parents (You should be/do/deserve to be X) and then again with various statements provided by the environment (Be strong, be perfect, hurry up, etc.).

Statements made by parents, teachers and friends all contribute to the way we see our life and can become a part of the script. These are statements Berne believed to be key motivators in the creation of a life story.

Try your best, boys don’t cry, don’t have sex before marriage, money makes the world go round, money doesn’t grow on trees, your brother Joe always does better in school because he’s smarter than you, you can become anything you want, are all examples of ideals and values that may become etched into minds from early childhood. Though they generally disappear from conscious thought by adulthood, these judgments all contribute to help us make our own impression of who we think we are and why we are that way.

Happy or Tragic Ending

Most people are of course aware…

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